Most of my day was spent writing posts for the blog and hanging out with Vinay’s niece and nephews. Here are a couple of pictures of the children playing a video game next to me. (From Back to Front – Janet, Vinay’s 9 year old niece, Niju, Vinay’s 15 year old nephew, and Anuj, Vinay’s 10 year old nephew):
They hung around the bed most of the day visiting with me. Janet has taken quite a liking to me - she is such a sweet and conscientious child. Anuj is very shy, but I still chase him down for a bear hug every time I see him. Niju is very responsible and appears to be quite mature for his age. He frequently quizzes me about my judgment of different cultures. (Better pictures on Saturday’s posting will be available soon!) I must admit it has been difficult for me to adjust to the Indian culture. Internally, I have been confronted with my own personal cultural biases and belief systems. Needless to say, the culture in Chandrapur is vastly different from way of life in the US. My sickness has afforded me much time to contemplate the differences.
Punctuality is not an important characteristic here. An individual planning an event at 1pm should not count on anyone arriving until around 1:30pm or later. Vinay likes to call it IST – Indian Stretchable Time.
Men and women, when nodding yes, do NOT nod their head back and forth, as we do in the US. Rather, heads are nodded from side to side, from shoulder to shoulder. At first, this was a great source of confusion for me. I couldn’t tell if people didn’t understand what I saying or whether they were indicating yes or no. Vinay, after only a few days, readapted this head nodding technique of his childhood. It was quite interesting to watch Vinay adjust his mannerisms.
In general, families and family values appear to be much more important in India than in the US. I believe that I have been blessed with a very wonderful family; however, I can name only a handful of individuals in the US that can boast of such close family ties. Divorces and broken homes appear to be much more rampant in the US than India. I have especially noticed the behavior of children within families.
I realize that I have no experience in child rearing, but it seems to me that children within Chandrapur are better behaved and respectful of their elders than generally seen in the US. I have yet to notice a child talking back to their parents, and children appear to take initiative and obey authority without question. This is probably due to the upmost importance placed on respecting elders. If someone is addressing an individual only 1 year their senior, they must include a title such as Auntie or Uncle. This includes everyone – family or not. It is also common to have children do mundane tasks for the elders without question. For example, from the moment Vinay entered his mother’s home, Niju was asked to assist with simplest of tasks. Any time Vinay needed water, or his cell phone found, or a hanger taken from the closet, Niju was asked to bring them. This seemed to be a bit much to me, but children are taught that it is a privilege to do such things for their elders. Niju never had to be asked more than once and not once did he complain. In fact, he jumped out of his chair in obedience.
Honoring thy father and mother is an extreme privilege and obligation taken quite seriously here. Arranged marriages are still common, and once married, often couples will live within the same home as the husband’s parents. Elders and their wishes are respected to such an extent that it is common for individuals to be married to someone other than whom they wish, or to find themselves forced into an undesirable career.
Nursing homes are not necessary; the elderly are always respected and looked after. I believe that my parents did an excellent job teaching my brothers and sisters to respect our elders, but we are among the exception in the US. Most, I’m afraid, are not grounded by such principles.
Men and women make fun of each other and take no offense. I have heard many adults and children poking fun at the weight of another, but this is not considered rude, but rather in good humor. Teasing someone about their religion or laughing at someone is not bad manners here. It is also not considered rude for anyone to ask any personal information. If someone doesn’t like what you are wearing, or if they think what you are doing is improper, or if they don’t approve of your eating habits, no one, from your mother or the sales clerk at the store, is afraid to comment on it.
Women traditionally wear jewelry. You will never see an Indian woman without at least earrings and a necklace in place, usually gold. The absence of gold indicates lack of wealth and is quite the social faux pas. I am not a big fan of jewelry – I wear it sometimes but I am rather indifferent to it. Vinay has been asked countless times why I am not wearing any jewelry. Where is my gold? Is something wrong that I am not wearing jewelry? Instead of a wedding ring, in Maharashtra (the state Chandrapur is located), women are given a gold necklace with black beads as a symbol of their married status.
Personal space or privacy are an unknown concepts here. I find this particularly hard to adjust to. I like my personal space and having time to myself.
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